Lunch with a Super Model

She's 44 years old and still looks that great.  

Ah, the life of a super model!

Paulina Porizkova came to the Community Partners of Dallas 3rd Annual Chick Lit Luncheon today.  This is a fantastic luncheon -- even worth coming into town for, if you don't live in Dallas.  Every year, CPD brings in an author of "Chick Lit" to speak at a ladies' luncheon, which serves as one of their fundraisers.  Paulina did a great job talking about the inspiration for her novel, A Model Summer, and then dished the dirt for us as all 500 women clamored to ask questions.  Truly a fun afternoon.

And I should have left the event happy.

But I didn't.

In fact, I cried all the way back to the office.

Because of the reason for the luncheon.  16,000 reasons for needing to raise money.  16,000 children in Dallas County who are introduced to Community Partners of Dallas every year.  (And you only get that introduction if you have been neglected or abused.)

16,000.

That comes out to 43 children a day.

About 2 children each hour.

Community Partners of Dallas is a mind-blowing, amazing organization that partners with Child Protective Services to care for case workers and help them provide necessities for the children they call on.  They provide financial assistance to relatives, so that kids can stay with family members instead of strangers in the foster system.  They have bedrooms where kids can curl up with a stuffed animal in the middle of the night, when they've been taken from their house and are awaiting a foster family.  CPD helps educate Moms and Dads, so they can be responsible members of society and responsible parents.  They make sure kids have shoes and deodorant.  And Easter baskets and Christmas presents.  And warm coats in the winter.  They have a storyline that kids can call and hear someone read to them -- something our children take for granted.

CPD gives children hope.  And something to smile about.  And a glimpse at normalcy.  And a childhood.

But for me, going to a lunch and making a donation is not enough.  My heart aches for these kids.  I don't know what it's like to live that life.  But I know what it's like to be loved by a Mom.  And I know what it's like to be a Mom who loves her child.  And I believe that everyone deserves to know that.

I wrestle with God a lot that life has not allowed us to move into Fostering.  He's made it very clear that He has put this part of our life on PAUSE.  And once again, I asked Him today, "What can I do eliminate this hell for even ONE child?"

I don't know that answer.  But I do know that when I think about these kids, what I do for a living, what I have, or who I know means absolutely nothing.  The truth is that what I do is grieve for these children, and what I have is a lot of room in my heart, and who I know is the One who sees even what the smallest bird is doing during the day.  And with those things, I want to make a difference.

Pause it for a moment

I'm gearing up for another episode of Heroes tonight, and can I say how thankful I am for "regular" TV being back on?! It does make me feel a little guilty that we have a steady diet of shows that are watched religiously around our house.

Okay, so not that guilty... not enough to stop watching them or anything.

The trick is that we Tivo everything and then start watching our shows after ChellBell goes to bed. The computer is in the TV room, so I can actually multi-task while keeping up with House, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, and The Office. (By the way, am I the only one sadly disappointed by the Grey's premiere last week??) Then if I miss anything, it's a quick touch of the Rewind button. Or if ChellBell calls out with one of her twelve-a-night excuses to avoid bedtime, we use the Pause button.

PAUSE.

How great is the pause button? I love it on live TV. I find myself wishing I could use it in real life. Like when someone won't stop talking. Or I really have to pee but don't want to miss anything. Or when we're having one of those rare Norman Rockwell-ish moments at our house that I just want to soak in before everything returns to normal-ness.

PAUSE.

Pausing like that is great. Time stops. Like someone yelled "FREEZE".

But what happens when the pause button is pushed and things in life really are on hold? Time stops. And everything that should be moving forward and progressing is frozen.

Because think about it -- pause really means to delay, or make someone wait.

Like when you're looking for "Mr. Right" but day after month after year, he's nowhere to be found. Or you keep waiting for that big break or big promotion or "your moment" to come along. Stuck in a grind. With life on pause.

Or when all you want is a baby. And every disappointing month reminds you that you're making no progress.

So you wait. And hope. But so desperately want to grab the remote and push PLAY.

Chris and I completed the required training to become foster parents earlier this year. It was actually the day of our next-to-last class that my Mom was diagnosed with cancer.

PAUSE. And we paused for good reason, because all we wanted to do was focus on encouraging my Mom and walking through her treatment with her.

But now life has become somewhat consumed with work for both of us. We play "tag team" parent a lot and hope this season comes to an end before we forget what eating dinner together as a family looks like.

And we wonder how we could parent someone else's child when we struggle to do it effectively for our own child.

PAUSE.

But there's still this bigger-than-life desire -- maybe a "calling" -- to create a loving home for girls whose parents need some time away to become better parents. Not a forever home, just an interim, where maybe they can learn what life looks like in a healthy, love-you-no-matter-what kind of family.

I'll be honest -- PAUSE is a little frustrating. By it's sheer definition, it requires patience. Which I have very little of. I find myself asking "Who's got the remote?" on a regular basis, referring to our lives.

Don't get me wrong, we're not unhappy. To the contrary, incredibly blessed and incredibly grateful. Just aware. Aware that there's something much bigger waiting for us. On hold. PAUSED. And we can't wait to push PLAY and move forward!

And you can quote me on that...

If I had to be thankful for one thing in life -- and just one thing -- I should probably list my family or friends or provisions. Things that have deep, meaningful impact. But I seriously think my one thing might be the invention of Google.

dubya-dubya-dubya-dot-google-dot-com.

Google is the omniscient presence in the internet world and the bringer of all knowledge. I am thoroughly addicted and reliant on my good friend Google and don't go a day without spending at least a little time with him. (Him? I don't know, just go with it)

One of the things that I rely on Google for are quotes. Poignant quotes. Smart and witty quotes. Quotes that someone else thought up, but I can steal use to sum up a moment or occasion perfectly, since I rarely have the appropriate words to do so on my own accord.

Today is my friend Joanna's birthday. She's eeeking a little bit farther into those numbers that start with a three, and every day making more of an impact on the world. And when I say making an impact, I mean it. Out of everyone I know, Jo is the person who has focused her life on making sure others -- primarily children -- get a fair shake at life.

And I've needed a quote. One that sums up a devoted life. A life that has changed the course for those who can't change their own course. There are kids who will grow up to make good choices and be good parents and raise good kids because of the programs they were put in, or the funds that were raised on their behalf, or the opportunities that were made available to them. And those kids will never know Joanna's name. Or recognize her face. But they will benefit from her ideas-come-to-life, endless energy, and sheer determination that their world would be better.

Joanna was our inspiration and encouragement for pursuing foster parenting. She raises money that supplements what foster parents can't afford (think braces, cheer outfits, birthday parties -- things most kids get without a second thought). If you saw her "resume" of life-changing, world-changing contributions, you'd be amazed. But if you could see her heart, you'd be even moreso. Because her impact doesn't come from a pursuit of accomplishment, it comes from honest concern and love.

That honest concern and love makes her a pretty incredible friend. One of those that my world just wouldn't function without. And her love extends past her girlfriends. She loves our children. She remembers our husbands' birthdays even when we forget. And she'll drive outside-the-loop to have dinner at my house or hang out with ChellBell.

So the quote?

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”

Thank you, Erma Bombeck, for finding the perfect words to describe Joanna. Who lives every ounce out of life and loves even bigger. And makes a difference.

To truly one of the most fantastic women I know, I am lucky to love you and call you friend.

Happy birthday!

I'm Stuffed

Three years ago, Chris and I decided that we needed more space. Not space as in away from each other, space as in a bigger house. It's not that we added to our family or had someone new living with us or were living in a small house. We just had accumulated too much stuff for our current home and needed a bigger house to put it all in. So we moved -- literally -- ten doors down (on account of not wanting to be away from our dear friends who were living next door), and we settled into our new home, which gave us two more bathrooms, an additional bedroom, and a TV room upstairs.

We were convinced three years ago that this would be enough space to accommodate us until the house was paid off.

In preparation for receiving a foster child in the near future, we are moving ChellBell into the "mother-in-law suite" (seriously that's what it's called) in the back of the house, where she'll have more room, more privacy, and her own bathroom (now see why it has that name?). Up to this point, that area has been our Stuff Room.

Oh, you're not familiar with that term? A Stuff Room is like a junk drawer, but just much, much bigger. It's the holding pin for things needing to go into the attic or needing to find a home somewhere in the rest of the house. It has been a storage area for all of my fabrics, which could rival Joann's, along with scrapbooking needs (funny, I don't scrapbook...), frames that either need to be filled and hung or given away, old black and white photos from my grandmother, boxes from the American Girl store and Build-A-Bear, work out equipment, and a few lamps (I'm obsessed by lamps. Seriously, I have more lamps than shoes. Enough said).

With this time off from work, of which today is the last day, I decided to start sorting through the Stuff Room and get ChellBell's things transitioned. I've successfully cleared out the room and gotten most of her furniture moved in.

But the stuff... well, the stuff hasn't found a new home yet, and is now just strewn about wherever there is space for it. Which is driving Chris crazy. Understandably. He even asked if we need a storage facility. That's scary. Three of us living in this house, and we're contemplating storage.

Stuff is a funny thing. I'm not very good at throwing certain things out, because I'm convinced I will need it at some point. And usually I do, in fact, need it right after I throw it away. I have a really hard time ridding of anything that ChellBell has made or written. Plus, I have this habit of accumulating fabrics and evidently scrapbooking papers and stickers and stuff that looks pretty on the shelves but has no practical use in my already-far-too-committed life.

So the stuff will probably end up in the Goodwill pile. And the recycling pile. (Just giving you a heads up if you need any new lamps, because the local Goodwill should have a fantastic selection by this weekend).

I envy those of you who have this natural ability to organize, throw out, and effectively use your space without the need for a stuff room. Please tell me -- WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?

Oh, I know... You have storage, don't you?! ;-)

My weekend: dropping LBs and mouth-to-mouth

So I'm on week 4 of this pneumonia-thing, but this morning a silver lining appeared as I bravely stepped on the scale. I usually only allow myself to do that after long periods of regular workouts, but I guess a long period of illness accompanied by a small appetite and constant vomiting can yield the same results…

My friendly scale showed that I am down around 15 pounds from my normal weight, so I reached to the back of my closet and with a smile pulled out my skinny pants, thankful that there is some benefit from being sick for so long. Unfortunately, I don't have much energy these days, but while I’m slouching in my chair or propping myself up against a wall, at least I will be beaming -- in between my wheezing and coughing -- with thin pride. (Until my health comes back, and then I will have to start my workout regiment again, but that’s a different blog for a different day -- sorry Tina!).

Okay, so I have to tell you that I took my first-ever First Aid /CPR class on Saturday as the final part of our Foster Parent classroom training. WOW -- what a liberating feeling! I really feel like if someone was in need, I could jump in and know what to do with confidence. Someone said that Seattle residents are required to go through these courses in order to get a driver's license which seems like a fantastic idea -- a hassle no doubt, but it is knowledge we should all be equipped with.

So here's my dummy whose mouth I blew into all day Saturday. Until his head popped off, which kind of freaked me out, and I had to move to a new guy. Hate when that happens.

Sans the baldness, the dummy looks a lot like Chris when I make him go to the mall -- pasty white, in a trance, mouth opened but no words coming out... I guess that's why I felt so comfortable with the little guy...

Ring-a-Ding-Ding

13 days into my New Years Illness – flu turned to bronchitis, turned to pneumonia. Seriously, I have had so much hot tea that I’m starting to speak with an English accent. This is not how I expected the Great ’08 Starting Line to look.

I have had warm thoughts of my childhood lately, when my sweet Mother would hand me a bell when I was ill and then come running at the little ring-a-ding-ding with anything I needed.

The Sick Bell.

How come we don’t get sick bells as grown ups? We need juice? We get up and get juice. We need to throw up? We hold our hand over our mouths and run as fast as we can. We don’t make it? We scrub until the floor is clean. And this is why we love our Mothers more the older we get -- because they’re not there to do all the things we used to take for granted.

I’m spoiled, I know it and admit it. But everyone should have a Sick Bell handed to them on the days they feel bad.

Despite not feeling well, the year is off to a, let’s say, Brave start. Chris and I have started our certification courses to become Foster Parents. An exciting, humbling, nervous-ing venture that no doubt will bless our socks off, if we are just brave enough to let it.

ChellBell thinks Fostering is a fantastic idea. In addition to getting a little sister (or several), she’s encouraged that Foster families can’t spank, though she’s learning that sometimes it’s worse to have things taken away. She does have to give up her trampoline – there’s no work-around for that. But no fear, she has lists and lists of things that can replace it, including a swimming pool, a tree house – which would involve getting a tree, and a roller skating rink.

I think it will be an amazing year for the three of us to learn what it means to literally open our lives to someone. To say to someone we’ve never met, “Come on in. It’s okay to bring your sadness and anger and confusion, because you’ve been hurt.” But over time, help them replace the hard and hurtful baggage that they carry, even as children, with the ability to hope and forgive and smile and anticipate good things.

Everyone needs to be loved by a Mom. Sick Bell kind of love. And if I can give that to another child – even just for a while – well, maybe she’ll be able to give Sick Bell kind of love to her kids one day. Because someone did it for her.