Okay, so not that guilty... not enough to stop watching them or anything.
The trick is that we Tivo everything and then start watching our shows after ChellBell goes to bed. The computer is in the TV room, so I can actually multi-task while keeping up with House, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, and The Office. (By the way, am I the only one sadly disappointed by the Grey's premiere last week??) Then if I miss anything, it's a quick touch of the Rewind button. Or if ChellBell calls out with one of her twelve-a-night excuses to avoid bedtime, we use the Pause button.
How great is the pause button? I love it on live TV. I find myself wishing I could use it in real life. Like when someone won't stop talking. Or I really have to pee but don't want to miss anything. Or when we're having one of those rare Norman Rockwell-ish moments at our house that I just want to soak in before everything returns to normal-ness.
Pausing like that is great. Time stops. Like someone yelled "FREEZE".
But what happens when the pause button is pushed and things in life really are on hold? Time stops. And everything that should be moving forward and progressing is frozen.
Because think about it -- pause really means to delay, or make someone wait.
Like when you're looking for "Mr. Right" but day after month after year, he's nowhere to be found. Or you keep waiting for that big break or big promotion or "your moment" to come along. Stuck in a grind. With life on pause.
Or when all you want is a baby. And every disappointing month reminds you that you're making no progress.
So you wait. And hope. But so desperately want to grab the remote and push PLAY.
Chris and I completed the required training to become foster parents earlier this year. It was actually the day of our next-to-last class that my Mom was diagnosed with cancer.
PAUSE. And we paused for good reason, because all we wanted to do was focus on encouraging my Mom and walking through her treatment with her.
But now life has become somewhat consumed with work for both of us. We play "tag team" parent a lot and hope this season comes to an end before we forget what eating dinner together as a family looks like.
And we wonder how we could parent someone else's child when we struggle to do it effectively for our own child.
But there's still this bigger-than-life desire -- maybe a "calling" -- to create a loving home for girls whose parents need some time away to become better parents. Not a forever home, just an interim, where maybe they can learn what life looks like in a healthy, love-you-no-matter-what kind of family.
I'll be honest -- PAUSE is a little frustrating. By it's sheer definition, it requires patience. Which I have very little of. I find myself asking "Who's got the remote?" on a regular basis, referring to our lives.
Don't get me wrong, we're not unhappy. To the contrary, incredibly blessed and incredibly grateful. Just aware. Aware that there's something much bigger waiting for us. On hold. PAUSED. And we can't wait to push PLAY and move forward!