119 months - saying goodbye to 9

Dear ChellBell,

You are well into 119 months, with your tenth birthday right around the corner. It takes my breath away that I have been given an entire decade with you, to watch you grow and learn and make mistakes, and to watch me grow and learn and make mistakes at the same time. We're taking this walk together, you know, and just because I'm supposedly an adult, I am still growing up as a Mom right by your side.

I wish you could have a day in my shoes to watch you. You would learn a lot about yourself. You would understand why I say you're beautiful. You would see that you have a million reasons to believe in yourself. You would see how incredibly talented you are. You would see that you and I are completely different in so many ways, and that my creativity is being stretched to find the best ways to keep you in check, keep you as naive as a 9 year old should be, and keep you as informed as a 9 year old should be. And you would see how my heart pounds with love for you.

Plain and simple. I'm crazy about you. Even in the moments where we look at each other and wonder, "what planet did she come from??" - even then, I'm crazy about you. I do not want to take one day with you for granted, and I hope you don't take for granted one single day of life.

Do you ever get tired of my phrase, "One day you'll understand..."? Well, make a list my friend, because when you become a Mom, you really will understand a lot more things. Things just make sense that never really did before. You understand why your Mom did all those crazy over-protective stay-up-til-you-get-home kinds of things. You understand why your Mom taught you to chew with your mouth closed. You understand why your Mom told you to not gossip or say mean things and to hang out with good kids. All those things that seem to be so blah-blah-blah to you right now. They will all make sense. And you will find yourself saying many of the things I say to you now, and you'll stop and smile a little bit, because you'll finally understand that your Mom really did want the best for you.

But right now, I know you are starting to question if I really know what I'm doing. And here in a few years, you'll be convinced that I don't. And I might agree with you from time to time.

But my love for you, well, that's not going anywhere. I will always know what I'm doing when it comes to that. Because, honestly, I just can't help it.

Enjoy your last few weeks of being 9 and the ending of your first decade. The best is yet to come, my friend.

Love, Mom