My parents travel to Japan two times a year and always bring back the candy and treats that my sister and I fell in love with while living there. They also always find some kind of funny gadget to bring back. Usually Chris and I look at these things like, “What the heck is that??!!” and then start guessing as to what it might be. We have used an ear wax cleaner as an ice pick and a crumb-scooper as a measuring spoon… It never dawned on me to actually ask, “What am I supposed to do with this?”
Many of you read my post about my recent pregnancy-gone-wrong and my D&C. I assumed the story would end there and that we would move on and try again. But two weeks after the D&C, my doctor diagnosed me with Gestational Trophoblastic Disease (GTD), a condition triggered by the pregnancy that essentially makes good cells go bad and brings a risk of turning into cancer. Usually a D&C gets rid of all these cells, but they are kind of stubborn and even if they seem to go away, they have a tendency to “pop” back up, and then the only way to get rid of them is through chemo.
Needless to say, my doctor is watching me closely, and I am getting blood tests every Wednesday. My levels have been good but are still showing a presence of these little cells, so my blood tests will continue for another 6 months, and I’ve been “highly encouraged” to not get pregnant again for 6-12 months.
To be honest, I've been a little temper-tantrum-ish about the whole thing. Seriously, after 9 years, we decided to get pregnant again, and now, not only am I NOT pregnant, but my doctor is diagnosing me with a high risk "condition". Uggghhh.
So here I am, standing here holding this thing that is so unfamiliar to me. I’ve been trying to rationalize what it all means and find a purpose for it. But coming up empty handed.
Until I had the ah-ha moment that all I need to do is ask, “What am I supposed to do with this?” Understanding that everything God hands us has a purpose. He’s not asking us to create one (like using that ear thing for an ice pick) -- He already knows what the purpose is, and we just need to ask. “What do You want me to do with this? What is the purpose? Why have you brought me here?” Simply put, “What am I supposed to do with this?”
My epiphany has impacted more than my woe-is-me perspective, because I’m realizing that it translates into everything in life. When a new day comes, I need to ask the question, “You’ve given me another day -- What do you want me to do with this?” When my paycheck is deposited into our bank account, I need to ask the question. When no paycheck comes, or when bills come that can't be paid, or when we find ourselves ill, we need to ask the question. Whatever we're handed, whatever we're going through, there is a purpose. It's not up to us to figure out what that is, but it is up to us to ask the question, "What am I supposed to do with this?”
And honestly, I can't wait to see what the answer is!
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